Los Olivos

My first word was “olive”.  My mom & dad would pop black olives on all my fingers and I would repeat “O-live. O-live. O-live.” After dressing my hands in olives for years they finally realized I was just trying to say “I love you”, and subsequently I now have an obsession with olives.

It is odd that with my ‘I Love Olives’ obsession I have never heard much about Los Olivos, in the Santa Ynez valley located 30 miles north-east of Santa Barbara. I am a big fan of local vacations and staycations so when my friends decided we should do a weekend there I was totally game.

Los Olivos began in 1880 on a 5 tree olive farm, and though they grow olives, they are most known for their vineyards. The quaint three block downtown is home to  24 tasting rooms including 10 vineyards that specialize in sparkling wine  (think outdoors Austin TX vibe with music, picnic tables, and string lights).

Los Olivos is also located just 15 minutes from the Dutch town of Solvang and 5 miles south of Neverland Ranch. There is a ton of stuff to do besides eating cheese and drinking like a horse (like horseback riding, making cheese, hot air balloon adventures, and historic museums)

We stayed in the most charming cottage via airb&b and we were walking distance to the Main Street where an olive festival was happening. There is also a Fess Parker there if you want to be extra swanky. Make sure you check out the “bacon steak” at the Brothers Restaurant, Sides Hardware & Shoes (it is exactly what it sounds like). 

If you want to make it a real adventure you can take the  scenic Pacific Coast train from Los Angeles to Santa Barbara and then an amtrak from Santa Barbara to Los Olivos which connects in Solvang. Perfect for a romantic weekend getaway, girls’ retreat, or mother-daughter weekend. [You can go alone too, just that’s sad and I am sorry. Ok it’s not sad, it’s good to have alone time, I just don’t like it because then the voices in my head get too loud]

Solvang
Solvang
Solvang
Los Olivos
Los Olivos
Solvang

RenFair 2017- Angie Verified ✓

SPOTTED: Shi & Knox Pitt out with mom at the SoCal Ren Fair in Irwindale. I missed them by a week. To think I could have been getting my face painted with Knox and throwing tomahawks with Shilo while sipping mead with Angie.  Angie, do you guys need a babysitter?

Do you even need convincing that the RenFaire is the ‘it’ thing to do if it has already been Jolie Verified?

Coachella is so 2015.  Ren Faire is so,  1415 B.C.?  From the fairy costumes, to the music, flower crowns and face paint, sometimes I wasn’t sure which festival I was attending. Though some of you might scoff the idea of going to Ye Old Pleasure Faire rather than attend your ecstasy filled music mecca, here are some reasons that might persuade you to attend the Pleasure Faire in the following years:

1. Thou Art Too Old For Thine Excrement

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As I age like a fine wine, I am less inclined to participate in events where I am continually suffocated between a group of neon clad rave tweens and shirtless sweaty bros wearing Raybans. I understand there are other places to sit and hang, but essentially this is the heart of the Coachella beast, and I for one would choose to avoid this nightmare in the first place.

2. Thine Shallow Bank Account

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Coachella is a blowout of $800 plus for two days. If you want to do it right (and you don’t have the hookup), you are going to spend upwards of up to $1500, if not more. I would rather go to the Renaissance Fair, drink mead and buy jewelry and silver chalices and go to a nice Sushi Dinner later that night. Notice how I capitalized Sushi Dinner ? That is how much sushi means to me. Also check out Broke L.A.  (for next year), previously Brokechella, the low key version of Coachella for people who don’t have the monetary funds or luxury of getting to the mothership.

3. Thy Hearty Edibles

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I know Coachella has better fair than Fyre Fest but I promise it is nothing as good as the selection of Turkey Legs, Gyros and Mediterranean food, Chocolate Covered Bananas,  Candied Almonds, and Pickles (among other things), at the Ren Faire.

4.   Supporting Thou Neighbor

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If you are really into “F-ing the System”, then this is a perfect way to support your local artisans and small businesses.  Coachella has become a mainstream mesh of corporations and media-made-pop culture, so for all of you genuine hipsters out there despising the “man” then this is perfect for you.

6.  Thy Attire
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You might be confused when you see flocks of girls wearing long hippie dresses and flowers crowns, fear not- you are still at Ye Old Pleasure Faire. If not for anything else, go to check out the costumes…

PS: you can rent costumes for the day if you arrive unprepared!

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5. Accessibility

oprahThe Ren Faire has something for all ages, and all types of people. Feel free to bring your Mom, your grandpa, your newborn (we did), your accountant, and your pizza delivery guy. I promise you EVERYONE will have a good time. There are acres upon acres of games, food, music, jousting, shopping, and just the most amazing people watching.

Here I am with a cute barbarian man
Here I am with a cute barbarian man
Here I am after I stole a pig
Here I am after I stole a pig

 

Look, if you think I am hating on Coachella, I am not. I understand the cultural experience and importance. I just think over the years it has been deflated from what it is originally supposed to be, and personally I can’t take dealing with the heat, the crowds, and the idiots. I prefer a small shorter version of that, in which I leave and don’t come back after 5 hours.

The faire runs through May 21st, so there is still time to check it out. Buy tickets and get more info here.

It’s Shmeeeeeeee