RenFair 2017- Angie Verified ✓

SPOTTED: Shi & Knox Pitt out with mom at the SoCal Ren Fair in Irwindale. I missed them by a week. To think I could have been getting my face painted with Knox and throwing tomahawks with Shilo while sipping mead with Angie.  Angie, do you guys need a babysitter?

Do you even need convincing that the RenFaire is the ‘it’ thing to do if it has already been Jolie Verified?

Coachella is so 2015.  Ren Faire is so,  1415 B.C.?  From the fairy costumes, to the music, flower crowns and face paint, sometimes I wasn’t sure which festival I was attending. Though some of you might scoff the idea of going to Ye Old Pleasure Faire rather than attend your ecstasy filled music mecca, here are some reasons that might persuade you to attend the Pleasure Faire in the following years:

1. Thou Art Too Old For Thine Excrement

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As I age like a fine wine, I am less inclined to participate in events where I am continually suffocated between a group of neon clad rave tweens and shirtless sweaty bros wearing Raybans. I understand there are other places to sit and hang, but essentially this is the heart of the Coachella beast, and I for one would choose to avoid this nightmare in the first place.

2. Thine Shallow Bank Account

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Coachella is a blowout of $800 plus for two days. If you want to do it right (and you don’t have the hookup), you are going to spend upwards of up to $1500, if not more. I would rather go to the Renaissance Fair, drink mead and buy jewelry and silver chalices and go to a nice Sushi Dinner later that night. Notice how I capitalized Sushi Dinner ? That is how much sushi means to me. Also check out Broke L.A.  (for next year), previously Brokechella, the low key version of Coachella for people who don’t have the monetary funds or luxury of getting to the mothership.

3. Thy Hearty Edibles

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I know Coachella has better fair than Fyre Fest but I promise it is nothing as good as the selection of Turkey Legs, Gyros and Mediterranean food, Chocolate Covered Bananas,  Candied Almonds, and Pickles (among other things), at the Ren Faire.

4.   Supporting Thou Neighbor

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If you are really into “F-ing the System”, then this is a perfect way to support your local artisans and small businesses.  Coachella has become a mainstream mesh of corporations and media-made-pop culture, so for all of you genuine hipsters out there despising the “man” then this is perfect for you.

6.  Thy Attire
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You might be confused when you see flocks of girls wearing long hippie dresses and flowers crowns, fear not- you are still at Ye Old Pleasure Faire. If not for anything else, go to check out the costumes…

PS: you can rent costumes for the day if you arrive unprepared!

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5. Accessibility

oprahThe Ren Faire has something for all ages, and all types of people. Feel free to bring your Mom, your grandpa, your newborn (we did), your accountant, and your pizza delivery guy. I promise you EVERYONE will have a good time. There are acres upon acres of games, food, music, jousting, shopping, and just the most amazing people watching.

Here I am with a cute barbarian man
Here I am with a cute barbarian man
Here I am after I stole a pig
Here I am after I stole a pig

 

Look, if you think I am hating on Coachella, I am not. I understand the cultural experience and importance. I just think over the years it has been deflated from what it is originally supposed to be, and personally I can’t take dealing with the heat, the crowds, and the idiots. I prefer a small shorter version of that, in which I leave and don’t come back after 5 hours.

The faire runs through May 21st, so there is still time to check it out. Buy tickets and get more info here.

It’s Shmeeeeeeee

We Only Really Want to Date Ourselves…

Sometimes you see it in public, sometimes it even happens to you.

You see a couple holding hands that look so similar they could be siblings- gross, ew, too couple-y, too mushy, too weird, too… (do I dare say) ‘incesty‘. But think back into your past relationships, and I am sure you can find a likeness of your own physical attributes in your significant other.

Facebook once mistook my boyfriend for me and asked if I would like to tag myself. What does this mean? Do we like people that look like ourselves because were ego driven, think we are beautiful and just want more me, me, me? If so, I guess it isn’t a bad thing to be so confident in yourself that you long to stare into your own eyes all day and whisper sweet nothings (recall the Greek hunter Narcissus).  The downloadable Faceapp is trending right now with people posting their “neural face transformations” of the original, the younger version of you, the older version of you, and the opposite sex version of you. Many people are commenting that they think their gender opposites are sexxxay.

Is there an innate human tendency in all of us that prefers our SO’s to look similar to ourselves in order to keep our specific hereditary gene pool strong? Humans are homogamous creatures who are inclined to mate with people that will carry on their dominant family features from an  evolutionary stance in order to develop the strongest blood line. One study also shows that we are more likely to trust people who have similar facial likeness to our own (because we obviously trust ourselves the most).

I actually look the same, so I am not quite sure how I should read that

All of the people below said they were attracted to the opposite sex version of themselves and most of them actually said they look like the type of guy/girl that they tend to date (me included).


Download Faceapp to see if you would date yourself.

So You & Your Friends Want to Take a Cruise?

 

Something cheap,  something out of LA, something short (because you all have different work schedules), something fun, and lets face it, the boat is the best part so who really cares about the destination?

Trust me when I say you will wind up on the same cruise as me- a 3 day Carnival Cruise out of Long Beach to Ensenada= $300.

Sailing on an 80’s Bally style Walmart of America= Priceless.

This is actually the main dance club on the ship, and yes for whatever reason there was a Mrs. Potato head that wandered around the boat- wat?

The Ups:

  1. Parking was $19/day and easy, & check-in was quick and painless TIP-you can even bring your own bottles of champagne in with you
  2. The alcohol package didn’t make sense for us and it was cheaper to splurge on bottles TIP- it was only $45 for champagne bottle service by the pool
  3. The Grand Dining Room was very delicious and was all inclusive. There was also a Guy Fieri burger joint which was great for lunch by the pool
  4. There is lots of karaoke to be sung (this is V important if you know me at all)
  5. There is an 18 or older jacuzzi and bar  area which weeded out the kiddies and the jacuzzi there was not as crowded
  6. The public areas were very clean and well tended to
  7. There’s music everywhere (live bands and shows) and a small casino which is where most of the people our age tended to be
A real dancer at the Grand Dining Room on the last night of the cruise- amazing

The Downs:

  1. Drink packages were upwards of $200 total per person (it’s per day regardless and your whole party HAS to opt in) and they charge you a full day even though you don’t arrive on the boat until 6pm the first day (TIP- skip the drink package  and opt in to pre-arranged bottle service which is in your room upon check in- a fifth of Patron was $100 and lasted the whole trip for 3 girls).
  2. The entertainment was just barely hitting the mark (this is only because I have been on fancy ships with some of the best entertainment I have ever seen, like above the quality of Cirque De Soleil & broadway shows- TIP- definitely attend the comedy shows)
  3. The rooms were VERY small and dated- think airplane restroom- same size, same furnishings… ew
  4. The pool was so crowded with children, I think I counted 14 kids in one jacuzzi- you won’t want to be in there during or after the kids leave for that matter… ew
  5. Un-related to the quality of the ship, the water was very rough & if you are interested I can give yo my friends number so she can explain to you what happens when you mix a hangover with terrible sea-sickness- (TIP just wear those weird tight anti-nausea bracelets the whole cruise so you don’t even have to worry about rockin’ the boat)
Our very small cabin

 

If you book this trip as a quick getaway and don’t expect 5 Star experience, then you will have a blast. There was a point after we got over the shock of the terrible 80’s carpet and the fast food style main cafeteria where we all looked at each other and said “Just go with it.” I think we did about 5 outfit changes a day because it was just fun to walk around in nautical attire with our Patron margaritas and take pictures and eat endless food. The shore excursion we did in Ensenada was most likely barely legal as they had us kayaking 10 foot swells to get up close to the very rocky La Bufadora (and some of the participants had never kayaked before).

Moral of the story is that if you are booking with a good group of friends then you will love this trip. If you are looking for a classy vacation getaway with trendy clubs and fine dining, then splurge an extra $300 on a Celebrity Cruise. We had a great time, but 3 days was definitely long enough for us to appreciate that which we ended up calling the ‘Spirit Airlines of the Sea’.

Vegan Inside Out Smores Pie- NO BAKE!

My cousin was on a diet that excluded anything with dairy or soy in it and it was her birthday. I wanted to find something that was delicious and special that she could eat for this occasion. I messed around in the kitchen and came with a recipe that was so good I made it twice in one week!

Ingredients

Graham Crackers (1 1/2 Cup broken up into pieces)

Nuts- any kind you like/ mixed (unsalted) (1/2 Cup)

Oatmeal (1/2 Cup)

Coconut Oil (1/2 Cup) & (1/4 Cup)

Agave or Honey (1/3 Cup)

Almond Milk ( A little less than whatever amount the pudding mix calls for and add the cornstarch to this as well- should be very thick)

Corn Starch (2 Teaspoons)

Chocolate Pudding Mix

Marshmallows (2 Cups- or more if preferred)

 

In a food processor, combine the nuts, oatmeal, and graham crackers and process until it is a crumb like texture. In another bowl combine the processed mix and the agave  (or honey) and coconut oil until it is evenly mixed. This is your crust, and you can put it into the pan and push down with a fork so it shapes to the pie pan.

Combine the pudding with the almond milk and the corn starch (if you aren’t using real milk the corn starch helps it form a better consistency). Layer this over the crust you have already made.

In a sauce pan, combine the 1/4 of a cup of coconut oil with the marshmallows and keep mixing until it is mixed into a frosting like consistency and pour it over the top of the pudding. Broil the top for presentation and because it allows for easier cutting when going to serve.

Now you have the 3 layers of pie. Put it in the fridge and let it set for at least 3 hours before serving. You can garnish with chopped nuts, or cocoa powder if desired!

So delicious, made with healthy ingredients, and very rich!

It began as an experiment and turned into a delicious concoction! There are many variations you could do of this, but it is especially good if you have any lactose restrictions!

 

 

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